Chatting to Psychopaths
Introduction
In my quest to understand the mind of Persistent Predatory Personalities ie. dark personalities such as narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths etc., I am reading this book which was drawn to my attention. It is fascinating.
I have been subjected to over 18 months of lies, libels, attacks, bullying, gaslighting and other behaviour from one such individual. I found his behaviour astonishing. My perceived crime was refusing to bow down to his demand to delete blog posts of mine from 4 years ago about a survivor.
It was obvious that this individual was using vastly different social norms than I was used to, if he was using any rules at all. In standing up to this individual and refusing to be controlled I became the target of his lies, libels, threats, stalking, malicious falsehoods and it was clear that there was not much that would stand in his way of “revenge”. When he could not control me directly he was intent on trying to control what people thought of me. On social media this means whoever will listen to them. He tried to manipulate anyone into thinking badly of me.
I have read other sources about this kind of person, but this book was timely for me.
Book Psychopaths in Our Lives My Interviews
The book by Dianne Emerson, is Psychopaths in Our Lives My Interviews [2]. She interviewed three psychopaths by written messages. In the book she has grouped their responses together so that they can be read together when similar questions or topics are covered. They explain their perspective, what they do and why they do what they do.
One of the most interesting parts for me is the chapter on gaslighting and I include a few examples of that to give a flavour of the book.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is when they try to control and manipulate your view of reality. Here are half a dozen examples of gaslighting from the book. They give a flavour of just how manipulative this genre of people are.
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Steve
There are many games you can play to make people think things that you want, like the damaged card, but here's one off the top of my head. I would tell my girl to meet me at a bar for a drink, and before she gets there I go and find a staff member that I think she will be jealous of and start talking to them, but in a way that will not make them think I was trying to pick them up, but so they seem familiar. Maybe even tell them you’re meeting your girl there, and it's a really nice place. But keep an eye out for her to walk in so you see her first. Then you can pretend you didn't see her come in and before she comes over to you can say something funny to get the staff member to giggle a bit and then go to walk off. Then your girl has seen you with them and is not sure what to think and when she asks who was that, thinking that you might be friends you just say "no one" or "just an old friend." Don’t offer to introduce them. That's just a small game to play, is that what you meant?
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Steve
It's easy to make someone think things are their fault; you just have to make them doubt themselves, which is easier when they have low self-esteem. Like if I said, "You have a brain like a sieve," then changed a few things around on you without you knowing, like times and appointments you made and where your phone and keys are. Then you would start to believe that I was right after a while. Then I blame you for forgetting something, and you would just think it was you and say sorry.
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Fred
I have been thinking. Why does there seem to be such a need to make sense of experiencing such behavior? I can obviously see why it would be unsettling, but why the burning desire to make sense of it? It was what it was. Unfortunate, but no mystery. People seem to find it very hard to accept that. If it is so repellent, so evil, why risk weaving it into your own tapestry? Gaslighting is often not intentional. At least, not intended to be that. Most of the time, it is a tiny adjustment to a short-term problem.
Example:
“I know I said I was going to mow the lawn if it didn't rain on the weekend. I know that you know that. But come on, it’s really sunny and there are people I want to go drinking with.
I told you I was going to mow the lawn if it didn't rain on the weekend? Doesn't sound likely, since we had a conversation just last week about how it is Blah’s birthday this weekend.”
“Have you been tricking me into making promises while I'm distracted by other things? Do you ever listen? No babe, that’s a rhetorical question.”
“You must just be misremembering. I know I did say I’d do it a lot of times last year, so maybe you’re remembering one of those times.
Well yes, but I only said it so many times because we had such a shitty washout with the weather and the chance never came up.”
“Only weekend I remember it not raining last summer was when we were at that wedding. You know the one for your friend where I didn't know anyone and you gave me crap for having a few beers and getting to know people.
Or maybe you’d like to do it yourself?” “I don’t see you promising to do it any weekend. You’re cleaning the rabbits? Fuck the rabbits, they stink and will probably die soon anyway. You wanted them, not me.”
“Oh, I'm unreasonable for not just taking on all your chores as well as whatever ones you've created for me already? Fine! Whatever dear, if you’re in your insane fantasy palace, then you can ask the Butler to bring me a note. I’ll be back later, once you've finished rehashing every past argument and slight you can dredge up from that rap-sheet of yours. Public Enemy Number One: Fred. Wanted on suspicion of having free will.”
Much of that is instinctive, by the way. I ‘am’ those positions. Sometimes it’s a reflex, a way to destabilize people while I find the remote. And all of this here is another ad-hoc explanation…
Maybe I do know what I’m doing, but slip into ‘acts’ that require I forget it briefly. Maybe I'm really unaware of this behavior at the time. I know in the past I’d have strongly disagreed with anyone who labeled it ‘psychopathic.’ Now, it would make a kind of sense. Not that it is all subconscious, of course. Often – particularly in the past, when I was at more of a loss to explaining the growing gap between how other people describe feeling and how I experience feeling – it isn't conscious. Other times, it most certainly is.
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Do you mean that sometimes you play games without intending to?
Fred
Am I capable of subconsciously manipulating a position? I can’t rule it out.
Other times I catch little things and have to cut them out. I tell you this because I want to highlight how passive a lot of the behavior can be. I can think of times where the ‘worse’ behavior has been in response to accidentally triggering something with something I hadn't even realized I was doing.
For example, I once reduced a girlfriend to tears of blind rage by doing the fury into calm understanding routine by accident. A quick blow-out was normal and with her usually lasted about 20 minutes. A full strop could last for days and be reliably set off by getting the anger levels up to a decent level and then me suddenly turning into Gandhi.
It’s like watching two people agree to jump off something high into water, only for one to suddenly stop at the last minute. It totally throws them. That was not convenient on this occasion, but something (can’t even remember what, but I was in the kitchen so it was probably the fridge) distracted me, and I forgot what I was doing.
This meant I replied in a normal, life-is-easy relaxed voice and 10 minutes later, I was talking to her through the downstairs toilet door while she sobbed on the floor in there.
Initially, she was going on about how could I possibly be so heartless as to apparently not care (as opposed to covertly not caring, which seems to be the accepted norm for human relationships), but she eventually moved on to things she could try to do to stop being such a helplessly dependent, irrational wreck.
You could think of it as being supportive of someone. If you think emotionally, you will be supportive for supportive reasons. If you do not think emotionally, you can be supportive for all sorts of other reasons, too.
It’s a tremendously powerful control mechanism because people will actually bully themselves into thinking what otherwise might take a lot of effort to convince them of.
There are learned responses to supportive-type behaviors, which people will lapse into when confronted by them because it is the neurological path of least resistance. They’ll feel bad if they don’t, because their reward triggers are all set up that way.
They feel unreasonable, irrational, embarrassed, ashamed… none of the things a person who had good reason to be angry would normally feel. So they can’t have had good reason to be angry, and the argument was their fault. They’re lucky to have someone so patient and supportive, really.
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Fred
Oh! I just thought of another possible example: walking out of a room in the middle of a blazing row and quickly getting comfortable and relaxed, only to continue shouting as if I'm still really pissed off. It's more for the show of things, but if they, then walk in and find me sitting there happily reading a book between adding my yelled responses, I can get a very funny look. Sounding angry is usually much more useful than actually being angry, because you're more in control and less likely to say something stupid that then needs re-explaining in a way better suited to the intended narrative.
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Steve
When I meet a girl, I do all I can to make them think that we were made for each other. It is easy because I can read what they want, and they all say I'm a good listener which is kind of funny because they're telling me all I need to manipulate them or to make them think that we have a lot in common, or I feel the same way.
Changing people’s sleep patterns helps to create a suggestible personality, e.g. keeping them tired by waking them with a clap or a bang on the wall. If they're asleep enough, then they will not know why they woke up, just that they did. Alternatively, giving people antidepressants or mood stabilizers when they don't need them can mess with the way they think and throw them off balance in a mental sense, and it's not hard to get them nowadays. Dianne That is quite clever to use anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, not sure how that would work, do you have to slip them into something and about how long does it take to start to rattle them? Steve If I drug someone, it takes three weeks to have a noticeable effect because it is a small dose, and I can cook so it's easy to hide the taste. The best part is if her friends don't like you, then you can say to them you're worried about her because she's been acting strange and get points with them for being concerned.
Why do you think gaslighting works?
Bill Joseph Goebbels once said, “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the state can shield the people from the political, and/or military consequences of the lie.” “It becomes vitally important for the state to use all of its power to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the state." Substitute the word "psychopath" for the word "state" and you have the basis for the psychopath's methodology. This is the basis of "gaslighting" technique. The lie needs to remain fresh in the minds of the ones you are targeting. The liar must keep the target's focus on believing the new reality and not permit them to begin questioning its authenticity. This is absolutely crucial; however, it is instinctual for me. I don't, on a conscious level, realize I'm even doing it. For example, if someone swings at you, you flinch. You didn't plan to flinch. You didn't even know you did it until after you have already flinched. The same is true with me. I don't, at least not always, realize I'm setting the stage for a lie until after I have already started to do it. If an opportunity to benefit arises, I instinctually take action to ensure I receive that benefit. I would say it is a rare case that I miss such an opportunity
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Steve
Damaged Card. You need to be careful if you do this too early; it needs to be something that you tell them about yourself that no one else knows, and it needs to be something that it's not normal for everyone to know. Hearing voices (but just one). Being molested when young. Watching a close friend commit suicide. Being bashed by your parents at a young age. Having severe depression. And one that does work. It surprisingly is Remorseful Ex-Hit Man.
Remorseful ex hit man. That is exactly what the individual attacking me claims to be! Ex luciferian brotherhood assassin.
The above examples are a flavour about not only how cynical and calculating these individuals can be but also how much the destructive behaviour comes naturally to them.
When they are listening, it is not to be kind or helpful, it is because they are collecting information to use against you. Their whole life appears to revolve around controlling and manipulating people, and ensuring that they end up on top.
It would appear to be a hollow existence, they mirror people, they “pretend” emotions to fit in, whilst scheming against people. It was interesting that many of them have to suppress impulses and find it difficult to.
Here is a picture of the cover of the book.
It is also widely available in hardcopy eg Amazon Psychopaths in Our Lives My Interviews by Dianne Emerson [3]
Also available via Dianne’s webpage Psychopath In Your Life [1].
I have also embedded the book onto substack…
Survivors expecially, but also anyone, if you earn to spot their techniques, then you can limit the damage to yourself.
If you want to read about the Persistent Predatory Personality that I am up against, here is the index of my posts about him…
Index of Posts on the Predator Grey Area Monarch [SSGMIn]
Previous foxblog Posts on Similar Topics
Watch Out for Romeo Spies [11]
Romeo Spies 2 - Human Intelligence Operatives Techniques [12]
Romeo Spies 3 Sexpionage [13]
Romeo Spies 4 The Spy Who Loved Me Video [14]
AI Tweet Generators and AI Social Media Posts [15]
Romeo Spy 5 [16]
Dark Psychology and Manipulation [17]
BITE Model of Authoritarian Control [18]
Persistent Predatory Personalities PPPs [19]
Attributes and Tactics of Dark Personalities / Persistent Predatory Personalities [fb324]
Links
[1] Psychopath In Your Life https://psychopathinyourlife.com/
[2] Link to BookDownload Psychopaths in Our Lives My Interviews ny Dianne Emerson https://psychopathinyourlife.com/download-book-for-free/
[3] Psychopaths in Our Lives My Interviews ny Dianne Emerson https://www.amazon.co.uk/Psychopaths-Our-Lives-My-Interviews/dp/1517307880/ref=sr_1_1
[fb324PPP] 2024 Sept 28 foxblog3 Persistent Predatory Personalities https://foxyfox.substack.com/p/psychopaths-narcissists-machiavellians #psychopaths #PersistentPredatoryPersonalities #PPP #survivors #DrMitchell #karenmitchell
[fb324] 2024 Dec 30 foxblog3 Attributes and Tactics of Dark Personalities / Persistent Predatory Personalities https://foxyfox.substack.com/p/85-mon-30th-new-attributes-and-tactics #PersistentPredatoryPersonalities #PPPs #DarkPersonalities #attributes #tactics
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Very insightful indeed. These psychos know how to choose a victim too obviously.
I empathize with your suffering
what's keeping separation from occurring?