Ren - Hi Ren

Jul 30, 2023

Talented

Ren - Hi Ren

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Odysee Ren Hi Ren [1c]

Up until I was 9 years old, I would intermittently hear a voice in my head that was not my own. The voice was distinctly different to mine, and always negative. It would self criticise or urge me to do things I knew to be morally wrong. The most peculiar thing about the voice was that it took no effort on my behalf to produce. My own thoughts always felt like there was a process that required effort to bring them to the forefront of my mind, this voice appeared as though it was spoken by another. The sentences felt predetermined like they had already been constructed.

I remember very vividly at 9 years old, becoming very frustrated with the voice. I stood in my back yard, internally screaming at the voice to be silent again and again, and it did. In a flash there was silence, to the point where my head felt like an empty room. I wasn't used to the quiet and that voice never returned. It almost felt lonely in my head.

When I got older I had intermittent bouts with auditory hallucinations where I would hear perfect symphonies, usually at night when drifting off to sleep. They were so clear that they sounded like they were emanating from a radio in the corner of my room. I knew they weren't there, but for some reason they never came with the feeling of fear. I also recall sitting on a bus at the age of 15, and hearing the sound of a crowded room, with about 100 voices chattering away, I was the only person apart from the driver on the bus.

These experiences were always very brief, and few and far between.

My last hallucination was during an intense bout of psychosis in 2015, and was my first visual hallucination. I was walking down a pavement after jumping out my mums car in a crossroads in a moment of frustration and distress with my condition. I was trying to run from myself. What appeared to be a homeless man with a dark complexion approached me, and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I had been sick most my life, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to continue. He looked at me, and smiled and told me 'everything is going to be okay in the end Ren.' I had not told him my name. There was something so overpoweringly sincere about this very simple message, which brought with it an overwhelming feeling of inner peace, and in a flash, he vanished.

My rational brain always linked these experiences to what the doctors have told me, that there are parts of my brain compromised by the autoimmunity in my body. That the myelin sheaths surrounding the complex electrical system that conduct my thoughts were damaged and compromised, causing these lucid experiences that I knew did not exist inside the physical world.

The part of me that edges away from logical and rational thought always attributed these thoughts to some kind of otherworldly intervention, that made my thoughts the battleground of some spiritual tug of war.

For a long time I never really acknowledged this part of myself, for with it brought the danger and stigma of sounding like a crazy person.

I decided with my latest release, to the best of my ability, to capture and express this chess match of thought.

Ren

Links

[1c] Odysee Ren Hi Ren https://odysee.com/@FoxesAmazingChannel:8/Ren---Hi-Ren-(Official-Music-Video)-s_nc1IVoMxc:d

[1] You tube Ren Hi Ren

[2] Ren Makes Music https://renmakesmusic.lnk.to/hiren

Lyrics

English

https://renmakesmusic.lnk.to/hiren Hi there Ren It's been a little while, Did you miss me? You thought you’d buried me, didn't you? Risky… Because I always come back Deep down you know that… Deep down you know I'm always in periphery Ren aren't you pleased to see me? it's been weeks since we spoke bro, you know you need me You’re the sheep, I'm the shepherd Not your place to lead me Not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me Hi Ren I’ve been taking some time to be distant I’ve been taking some time to be still I've been taking some time to be by myself since my therapist told me I'm ill I've been making some progress lately, and I've learnt some new coping skills So I haven't really needed you much man I think we need to just step back and chill Ren, you sound more insane than I do You think that those doctors are really there to guide you? Been through this a million times Your civilian mind is so perfect at always being lied to Okay, take another pill boy Drown yourself in the sound of white noise Follow this 10 step program, rejoice! All your problems will be gone! Fucking dumb boy Nah mate, this time it's different man trust me I feel like things might be falling in place And my music's been kinda doing bits too Like I actually might do something great And when I'm gone maybe I'll be remembered For doing something special with myself That's why I don't think that we should talk man Cause when your with me it never seems to help You think that you can amputate me? I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we We are one, split in two that makes one so you see You got to kill you if you wanna kill me. I'm not left over dinner, I’m not scraps on the side, oh your music is thriving? Delusional guy! Where's your top ten hit? Where's your interview with Oprah? Where are your grammes Ren? Nowhere! Yeah but, my music's not commercial like that I never chased numbers, statistics or stats I Never write hooks for the radio, they never even play me so why would Iconcernn myself with that? But my music is really connecting, And the people who find it respect it , And for me that's enough ‘cause this life's been tough so it gives me a purpose I can rest in Man you sound so pretentious ! Ren your music is so self centred, No one wants to hear another song about how much you hate yourself… trust me You should be so lucky having me inside you to guide you, remind you to manage expectations, provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it You wana be a big deal… Next jimi hendrix? forget it Man it's not like that Man it's just like that I'm inside you you twat Nah it's not man your wrong, when I write I belong Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song Ren sits down, Has a stroke of genius, He wants to write a song that was not done previous A battle with his subconscious… Eminem did it Played on guitar Plan B did it Man your not original you criminal, rip off artist, the pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material Ren mate we've heard it all before Ohh "she sell sea shells on the sea shore" Fuck you I don't need you, I don't need to hear this, cause I'm fine by myself, I'm a genius! and I will be great, and I will make waves, and ill shake up the whole world beneath us That's right speak your truth, your fucking god complex leaks out of you It's refreshing to actually hear you say it! In stead of down play it… “Oh the music Is all about the creative process and if people can find something to relate to within that the that's just a bonus” Fuck you ima fucking kill you Ren Well fucking kill me then let's fucking have you Ren I'm a do it, watch me prove it, who are you to doubt my music? ‘Cause I call the shots I choose if you die Yeah I call the shots and so i who choose who survives I'll tie you up in knots then I'll lock you inside News flash… I was created at the dawn of creation, I am temptation I am the snake in Eden, I am the reason for treason Beheading all Kings, I am sin with no rhyme or reason, Sun of the morning, Lucifer, Antichrist, father of lies, Mestophilies, Truth in a blender, Deceitful pretender, The Banished avenger, The righteous surrender When standing in-front of my solar eclipse, My name it is stitched to your lips so see I won't bow to the will of a mortal, feeble and normal You wana kill me? I'm enteral, immortal I live in every decision that catalysed chaos That causes division I live inside death, the beginning of ends I am you, you are me, I am you Ren Hi Ren… I’ve been taking some time to be distant, I’ve been taking some time to be still I’ve been taking some time to be by myself and I've spent half my life ill But just as sure as the tide start turning Just as sure as the night has dawn Just as sure as rain fall soon runs dry when you stand in the eye of the storm I was made to be tested and twisted I was made to be broken and beat I was made by his hand, it's all part of the plan that I stand on my own two feet And you know me my will is eternal And you know me you've met Me before Face to with a beast I will rise from the east and I'll settle on the ocean floor And I go by many names also Some people know me as hope Some people know me as the voice that you hear when u loosen the noose on the rope And you know how I know how I know that I'll prosper? Because I stand here beside you today I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain And I didn't once flinch or shake So cower at the man I've become When I sing from the top of my lungs That I won't retire I'll stand in your fire inspire the meek to be strong And when I am gone I will rise In the music that I left behind Ferocious persistent, immortal like you we’re a coin with two different sides When I was 17 years old I shouted out into an empty room, into a blank canvas, that I would defeat the forces of evil, and for the next 10 years of my life I suffered the consequences... With Illness, autoimmunity and psychosis As I got older I realised that there were no real winners or no real losers in physiological warfare But there were victims and there were students It wasn’t David verses Goliath, it's was a pendulum eternally swaying between the dark and the light, and the brighter the light shone, the darker the shadow it cast It was never a battle for me to win, it was an eternal dance, and like a dance, the more rigid I became the harder it got The more I cursed my clumsy footsteps the more i suffered And so I got older and I learned to relax, and I learned to soften, and that dance got easier It is this eternal waltz that separates human beings from angels, from demons, from gods And I must not forget, we must not forget, that we are human beings.

Transcript

hi there Ren it's been a little while did you miss me? You thought you'd buried me,

1:22

didn't you? risky cause I always come back

1:25

since we spoke bro I know you need me you're the Sheep I'm the shepherd know your place

1:32

to lead me not your place to be biting off the hand that feeds me hi everyone I've been

1:36

taking some time to be distant I've been taking some time to be still I've been taking some

1:41

time to be by myself since my therapist told me I'm Ill and I've been making some progress

1:46

lately and I've learned some new coping skills so

2:04

2:05

[Music]

2:10

this time is different man trust me I feel like things might be falling in place but

2:15

my music's being kind of doing bits too like I actually might do something great and when

2:19

I'm gone maybe I'll be remembered for doing something special with myself that's why I

2:24

don't think that we should talk man because when you're with me it never seems to howl

2:27

you think that you can amputate me I am you you are me you are I I am we We Are One splitting

2:32

two that makes one so you see you gotta kill you if you wanna kill me I'm not left over

2:36

then I'm not scraps on the side oh your music is thriving delusional guy where's your top

2:40

10 hit where's your interview with Oprah wow your Grammys ran nowhere yeah but my music's

2:45

not commercial like that I never chase numbers statistics or Stars I never write hopes for

2:50

the radio they never even blame me so why would I concern myself with that but my music

2:54

is really connecting and the people who find it respect it and for me that's enough because

2:59

this life's been tough so it gives me your purpose I can resting man you sound so pretentious

3:03

ran your music is so self-centered no one wants to hear another song about how much

3:07

you hate yourself trust me you should be so lucky having me inside you to guide you remind

3:12

you to manage expectations provide you perspective nothing you neglected I get it you wanna be

3:17

a big deal next to me Hendrix forget it man it's not like that man it's just like that

3:21

I'm inside you you twice no it's not mine you're wrong when I write I belong let me

3:25

break a fourth wall by acknowledging this song Run sits down has a stroke of Genius

3:29

he wants to write a song that was not done previous a battle with the subconscious Eminem

3:33

did it played on guitar Plan B did it man you're not original you criminal record it's

3:38

the Pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material brand mate we've heard it

3:41

all before oh she sells seashells on the seashore [ __ ] you I don't need you I don't need

3:46

to hear this cause I'm flying by myself I'm a genius I'm great and I will make waves and

3:51

I'll shake up the whole world beneath her that's why I speak your truth your [ __ ]

3:54

God complex leaks out of you it's refreshing to ask for you say it instead of downplay

3:59

oh music is all about the creative process and if people can find something to relate

4:04

to within that then that's just a bonus [ __ ] you I'mma [ __ ] kill you random [ __ ]

4:08

kill me then I [ __ ] have you ran I'm gonna do it watch me prove it it'll be you to download

4:11

music cause I call the shots I choose if you die yeah I call the shots until I choose to

4:15

survive I'll tie you up a knots when I lock you massage thank you news flash I was created

4:24

at the dawn of creation I am Temptation I am the snake in Eden I am the reason for treason

4:32

beheading all Kings I am sin with no Rhyme or Reason none of the morning Lucifer Antichrist

4:37

Father of Lies Mustafa Lee's truth in the blunder deceitful Pretender the banished revenge

4:40

of the righteous surrender when standing in front of my solar eclipse my name is Stitch

4:46

to your lips so you see I won't bow to the will of immortal feeble a normal you wanna

4:51

kill me I'm Eternal or more I live in every decision chaos that causes the vision I live

4:57

inside that the beginning of ends I am using Army I am your friend

5:22

[Music] hi Ren I've been taking some time to be distant I've been taking some time to

5:26

be still I've been taking some time to be by myself and I've spent half my life ill

5:32

but just as sure as the tide starts turning just as sure as the night has dawn just as

5:37

sure as the rainfall soon one is dry when you stand in an eye of a storm I was made

5:43

to be tested and twisted I was made to be broken and be I was made by his hand little

5:48

part of his plan that I stand on my own two feet and you know me my will is eternal and

5:54

you know me you've met me before face to face with a beast I will rise from the East and

5:59

I'll settle on the ocean floor and I go by many names also some people know me as hope

6:06

some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the Noose on the Rope

6:11

and you know how I know that I'll Prosper? cause I stand here beside you today I have

6:16

stood in the Flames the cremated my brain and I didn't once Flinch or shake [Music]

6:20

in the music that I left behind ferocious persistent Immortal are you a climate to different

6:38

side

6:46

[Music]

6:53

7:01

7:08

[Music]

7:16

foreign

7:23

[Music]

7:31

I shouted out into an empty room into a blank canvas that I would defeat the forces of evil

7:45

and for the next 10 years of my life I suffered the consequences with autoimmunity illness

7:51

and psychosis as I got older I realized there were no real winners and there were no real

7:58

losers in psychological warfare but there were victims and there were students it wasn't

8:05

David versus Goliath it was a pendulum eternally swaying from the dark to the light and the

8:13

more intensely that the light Shone the darker the shadow it casts it was never really a

8:19

battle for me to win it was an eternal dance like a dance the more rigid I became the harder

8:26

it got the more I cursed My Clumsy footsteps the more I struggled so I got older and I

8:32

learned to relax and I learned to soften and that dance got easier it is this eternal dance

8:42

that separates human beings from angels from demons from gods and I must not forget we

8:52

must not forget that we are human beings

English

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